Deviation Actions
Literature Text
like fire loves a match,
like a match loves a fuse,
like a fuse loves its dynamite,
like dynamite loves a crystal cavern,
like crystal loves its collapse,
like a collapse loves gravity,
like gravity loves mass,
like mass loves velocity.
You loved me
like velocity loves a sports car,
like a sports car loves an open road,
like a road loves a mac truck,
like a truck loves roadkill,
like roadkill loves carrion flies,
like flies love an open grave,
like an open grave loves cut flowers.
You loved me
like flowers love the spring,
like spring loves her distant brother,
like death loves his little niece,
like a niece loves an open field,
like an open field loves nothing.
Home.
the ghost
Never Forgotten
For
1. What do you think of the sound?
2. What do you think of the images?
I read the first stanza and I was hooked. This is very easy to read; it speeds by, but it doesn’t feel empty. Sometimes a poem is hard to read, and you have to think about each line. This isn’t like that. Equally, it is not the kind of “pop” poetry that has no depth. It’s just fast. You keep the lines similar lengths and the language uncomplicated so that the flow is consistent. It’s a pleasure to read because it slips off the tongue.
There are two things that keep the poem from being a jumble of images: the continuity of the imagery and the sense of a story. The continuity comes from the way each image leads into the next, which must have taken some work and creates a very nice flow. The sense of a story is created entirely by the repeated line “you loved me,” which is quite a feat because it is a very short line.
I don’t know whether it’s really about Persephone or whether she is another description of the love, but the title works perfectly as an explanation of the story. The whole poem describes her myth well, which is difficult since it is up against other poets that have covered her story. Her myth also describes the whole poem.
As to imagery, I think some lines are fantastic and some are so-so. There are no images that are simply bad. Some I got right away, and some I had to think about for a bit. Neither way is better and the mix is pleasant. Some of the images you employ are very dark, which lends real feeling to the poem as a whole, but you offset the dark with the rapid pace of the poem, which keeps it from being morose.
Critique from GrammarNaziCritiques